Disgustingly Optimistic 2020 Resolution

“At school, new ideas are thrust at you every day. Out in the world, you'll have to find your inner motivation to seek for new ideas on your own.” - Calvin

Self motivation is not an inherently difficult concept - in order to achieve your desired level of success in adulthood, it's expected that the rewards you reap will be directly proportional to the amount of consistent effort you're willing to put in.

Consistency is the killer.

When I was younger, there was a constant source of motivation for academics, music and friendships. In fact motivation is the wrong word - it can more accurately be described as pressure. There was always an exam, a performance, a social event you just HAD to be part of/perform well in, right around the corner. Desire was obsolete - whether it was welcomed or not, someone was always there trying to shove the next big thing down your throat.

So the change from school to university is unforgiving in nature - not only do you become solely responsible for your future successes, you have to create the opportunities for success themselves. It is terrifying, suffocating and comes without instruction. There is a fear of failure which metastasises into what can only be described as laziness - because hey, if I don't even try, it's less embarrassing when it eventually all goes to shit.

My biggest fear in life has always been FOMO. But not because I fear missing out on other people's activities - I fear that I will miss out on my own. That I will give up on my dream of travelling, or succeeding academically along with a whole other kitchen sink of items, purely because I cannot function without external catalysts.

So my goal in 202o is to self (medicate) motivate. I can't keep expecting opportunities to fall into my lap, or for other people to push me towards my goals.

If I want them bad enough, I'll just have to get them myself.